In mid-November I started experiencing a sharp tightness in my hamstring while running. By Thanksgiving the pain was so intense that anything faster than 8:30 pace caused my leg to seize up. The next 3 months were frustrating. Instead of building my fitness in preparation for a spring race, I was in recovery mode and desperate to get healthy. I took 2 weeks off from running yet I was still in pain. I lowered my mileage to 20-30 miles/week and never ran faster than 8:30 pace, but even that didn't help. As the race approached, I gave up on running a fast time in Barcelona because I felt as though I had lost so much fitness. But even worse... I was freaking out that I would have to skip Boston.
In February I started a new PT program, and to my surprise, I suddenly started to feel relief from the hamstring pain. But even though I was healing, I did not have time to do any real training. When the day of the race arrived, I had a huge question mark around my fitness and I lacked confidence.
My previous PR was 1:25:30, but I was certain that I would not improve upon that in Barcelona. In fact, I wouldn’t even try to PR. My plan was to use the Barcelona race as a workout where I ran the first 10 miles at 7:00-7:10 pace and maybe a bit faster for the last 3 miles.
But when the gun went off, I was shocked by how good I felt. I cruised through the first 2 miles at 6:40 pace and it felt effortless. I thought to myself “You’re just hyped up from the excitement and adrenaline or the race. If you don’t slow down, the lack of fitness is going to catch up to you.”
I tried forcing myself to slow down. It was the reasonable thing to do, but my body resisted. It would not slow down and insisted on continuing at the same pace. The energy in my legs silenced my nervous mind and reassured me that I can remain comfortable at this speed.
I hit the 5k mark around 20:30. I was relaxed and floating along. I hovered around the 6:35 range for miles 3-8. This was not what I had planned for, and I had strayed from my objective of a workout at 7:00 pace. But I was allowing effort to dictate my speed.
At mile 8 I was in complete shock. I had averaged 6:35 pace and I felt like I was barely working. "Where had this come from?!?" I knew that I had a killer finish left in me. I also knew that if I could pull off a big negative split, I had a chance at a new PR. My hamstring felt great, my energy was high, and my confidence had returned. I was all systems go.
I pushed down to 6:30 pace for mile 9, and even that didn’t require much effort. I decided to roll the dice and I surged hard at the 10 mile mark. I felt like I was flying. I had a huge grin on my face and I was passing swarms of runners. Mile 11 came in at 6:10 and I knew the PR was mine.
I live for moments like these. When the pace gets hot and yet I have a true belief in myself to withstand the storm of pain that is inevitably coming my way. But my outlook while running is so different from how I see the world in everyday life. In my life outside of running I am filled with self-doubt. I constantly question my competence, my intelligence, and my value. My sense of self-worth is under relentless attack by my own insecurities. But while I'm running I feel like a different person. In the late stages of a race the doubt fades and I experience a distinct "certainty". I am certain that I have the strength to come out victorious in this battle against fatigue. In these moments there is an undeniable fortitude and fearlessness where no amount of insecurity can weaken my resolve. I’ve never experienced anything more empowering than that certainty, and it’s perhaps the main reason why I run.
Mile 12 clocked in at 6:07 and with 1 mile remaining I was ready to go! I pushed with everything that I had, and somehow found another gear. I was still bewildered by where this performance was coming from. And while the pain was burning red hot in my legs and lungs, the thrill of this victory drove me forward. Mile 13 clicked off at 5:47, and I sprinted to the finish line. I even managed a weary smile as I crossed.
In the finishing chute, all I could do was stand there in disbelief. This result was so different than what I had expected, and I was so excited to discover that I am well-positioned to run a good race at Boston. Over the next few weeks I will continue to remain cautious with my health as I start to incorporate more speed work. I can only hope that I finish Boston the way I finished Barcelona.
After the race I met up with Nao and Perry who ran stellar races of their own. I am so grateful for the time we spent together and the incredible adventures that Barcelona had to offer.
