I'll spare you the
details, but believe me when I say that I've experienced my fair share of
hardships and setbacks in this sport. Between health issues, crippling fatigue,
injuries, and bad races- I've been heartbroken over and over again. The latest
devastating experience came in Tokyo 7 months ago. As I lined up to start the
Tokyo Marathon, I thought I had finally reached a point where my setbacks were
behind me. I did a ton of work for that race, and had soaring expectations.
I was fully convinced that my moment to qualify for Boston had finally arrived.
And at mile 18 in Tokyo, my hopes came crashing down. I hit the wall and walked
to the finish line in anguish and defeat.
I felt shattered.
The same way I had felt over and over again for the past 11 years. After every
gut-wrenching defeat, I battled with the question "maybe
this isn't something I am capable of". After Tokyo I came very close to losing faith
in accomplishing this goal. I felt crushed by the weight of this
doubt. The possibility of never qualifying for Boston was agonizing.
It took a long time
to recover from Tokyo, both physically and emotionally. I was in a bad place
after that race. I felt hopeless and filled with self-doubt. Picking myself up
and putting myself back together took so much work. It was especially difficult
because I knew that if I tried to qualify again, I would likely fail. How could
I put myself through this again? How could I resume training after 11 years of
continual heartbreak? In getting back on the proverbial horse, I told myself, "I don't care how many times I fail, I will keep
trying until the day I die".
Slowly but surely, I got back into training. But this training cycle was unlike anything I've ever done. I began working with Jeremy Shingleton who graciously took me under his wing. Jeremy is an accomplished runner with a deep knowledge about the sport. My conversations with Jeremy began as a simple exchange of ideas about training principals and theories. Over time, the relationship developed into an exceptionally close coach/athlete relationship. Jeremy crafted a plan of attack to get me to Boston. His plan went so far above and beyond mileage. We covered pacing, weight-loss, recovery, nutrition, fueling, shoes, hills, stretching, rolling, strength training, drills, strides etc. We spoke daily and addressed everything at a detailed level.
Here is a graph of
my mileage build-up from 5/1/17 until the race on 9/9/17. This exemplifies the
meticulous planning that went into this training cycle. Every run was
contemplated and discussed. Every week of the training cycle was planned with
meaning and careful thoughtfulness. It was methodical, calculated,
disciplined and scientific.
I put a great
deal of emphasis on nutrition and weight loss. I weighed 160 lbs at the time of
the Tokyo marathon. But by shedding some weight, it would require less energy
cover 26.2 miles. I made some dramatic changes to my diet to lose 15 pounds and get my body fat down to 7.5%
Over the next 5
months I completely poured myself into the training. I've never been so disciplined in executing a training plan. I was regularly
waking up at 4:30am, pushing through fatigue and exhaustion, and doing whatever
it took to get my workouts done. I averaged 60 miles/week and peaked at 75
miles. This type of mileage was completely uncharted territory for me. As a
result, I saw my fitness soar to levels that I've never reached. My workouts
started coming easily. I was regularly doing workouts at 6:30-6:40 pace and
felt completely comfortable there. By the time the race came around, it was
clear that I was in the best shape of my life.
The race was in
Geneva, IL about 1 hour outside of Chicago. The course is a 3.25 mile loop that
is run 8 times. My family was kind enough to come out and support me, and the
loop course was perfect for people cheering. I was excited to know that I would
see them 8 times during the race. With a start of 6:30am, I woke up at 3:00am
to start fueling and preparing. But it didn't really matter since I barely
slept.
It was a small race, about 300 runners. The race is completely focused on getting runners to
Boston, so it offered pace groups below the qualifying standard. My
qualifying standard is 3:10, but I needed to be at least 3 minutes under the
standard in order to have a good chance of going to Boston. I lined up with the
3:06 pace group which was pretty close to the start line.
The gun went off and
the race started! Within the first few steps I immediately started feeling a
pain in my stomach. It was a tightness in my belly that made me feel
uncomfortable. I couldn't find a good rhythm and I tried to breathe through the
stomach tightness. But it just wasn't going away. I then started burping and heaving up this acidic bile. The stuff was brown and gross. The situation was bad. For the next 8 miles I dealt with this. I felt
fatigued and low on energy. I maintained a steady 7:00-7:05 pace but I was
working too hard. The pace group pulled ahead of me, and I just hung off the
back of the group (there were about 15 people in this pack). During these first
8 miles, I was certain that I wouldn't be able to finish the race. My outlook
was not good. I kept thinking to myself, "Here
you are again… about to drop out of another marathon, about to face another
devastation." My family cheered for me when I saw them and I just
tried to smile and pretend like everything was fine.
But around mile 10
something changed. My stomach finally loosened up which allowed my energy levels
to return to normal. By mile 13 I felt better than I had all race! The pace was comfortable, and I
was relaxed. I was feeling so
great at this point and I continued at 7:00-7:05 pace. I pulled ahead of the
pace group which still stayed tightly packed with around 10 guys.
I noticed another
guy who maintained a steady pace and he also pulled ahead of the pace group. We
naturally linked up and ran side-by-side as we stayed ahead of the group. After
recognizing that we were working together, we started talking a bit. His name
was John, and he was also trying to make his first appearance at Boston. John and
I would end up working together for the next 10 miles. It was great running
with him. Having him at my side was absolutely critical to my race.
Between mile 13-16 I
started to feel a bit of fatigue, but it really wasn't terrible. When I saw my
family during this loop I was much more excited. By the time I got to mile 16 I
recalled what my coach told me to do at this point. "Once you're at 16, just focus on getting to 20." I
was still feeling relatively energetic and surprised by how little fatigue I
was experiencing. Some muscle soreness was starting to build in my left leg.
By the time I
reached mile 17, I acknowledged that I was experiencing something I had never
felt before… I actually felt good at mile 17 of a marathon! I had run 4
marathons prior to this, and in every one of them, I started fading at mile 17.
But for the first time, I felt great! Now don't get me wrong, I was still
working very hard. Fatigue had set in, my breathing was labored, and my muscles
ached… but I knew I had enough energy to hold on for 10 more miles. For the
first time all race, I started to believe that today was my day.
After 2-3 loops I
developed and a familiarity and comfort with the course. This helped put me at
ease as the fatigue grew stronger. Plus seeing my family so many times gave me
a massive boost. At mile 19 I passed my family and this time I showed more enthusiasm. I said to them, "we're gonna do
this!" and they went nuts!!
When I reached mile
20, I continued to be in shock of how much energy I had. Muscle soreness in my
quads kept building and I had to start working harder to maintain pace.
But at this point, I felt confident that I was going to Boston. I recalled
another thing my coach told me, "At mile
20, pause to reflect on what you've accomplished. Appreciate the moment."
Something I had dreamed about for so long was about to happen. I truly couldn't
believe it. Thousands upon thousands of miles were leading up to this point.
Being so close to
the finish really carried me, but I had 6 miles to go and was still concerned
about blowing up. At this point I knew that the only thing getting in my way
was doing something stupid, so I wanted to be cautious of not pushing too hard.
Fatigue was setting
in deeply at this point. My quads were on fire and cramping up big time, and my
stomach locked up again. I got a bad stomach cramp that would not go away. But
it didn't matter how badly I was hurting, I could taste the finish line. At
mile 22 I saw my family again, and they went crazier than ever before! They
knew that I was going to do it. As I passed by them I yelled, "See you at the finish line!"
Because I had slowed
a bit from miles 18-22, the 3:06 pace group had now caught up to me. However, the
entire group of guys had fallen back. The only person left in the 3:06 pace group was the pacer. As he
passed me, the pacer said, "you need to
keep me in your sights!" I picked up the pace, and just tried to
prevent him from getting away from me.
I now had 1 lap
left… 3.25 miles to go. The pain was intense at this point, but it didn't
matter. I just had to hang on for a little longer and I was going to Boston. At
mile 24 I noticed that John was starting to fade a bit. Before I knew it, he
had dropped back. I didn't say anything, I just gave him a small wave and kept
pushing forward. I was so grateful to have him by my side throughout such a
crucial portion of the race.
With 1.5 miles
remaining, the pacer turned around and saw that I was the last man left in the
3:06 pace group. He slowed down for me to catch up and I said to him, "get me to the finish". I was
exhausted but I knew that I had it won. The intense discomfort was drowned out
by the excitement I felt. With 1 mile remaining I started to press pretty hard.
My pace dipped below 7:00 and I remember thinking, "just don't trip and fall on your face!". My legs were
seizing up with cramps, and my quads felt a searing, deep fatigue. But none of
that mattered, I had less than 1 mile to go!
During that final
mile I was being pushed by the pacer. He ran alongside me and he encouraged me
to keep pressing. We got to speaking a bit and he told me his name was Chris. I
told him that I had been trying to qualify for 11 years, and I had been dreaming
of this moment. He said he was honored to share it with me.
With a quarter
mile to go, the finish line came into sight. A decade of miles, sweat, and
tears came down to this moment. There
was a big crowd and they went wild. I ran as hard as I could and started
sprinting!! As I approached the finish line I let out a massive scream! In the blink of an eye, 11 years
of pain and frustration had turned into victory and happiness. The
level of elation and joy was off the charts. I was in shock. It felt surreal.
Surely I must be dreaming. Immediately after crossing the line I was embraced
by my family. We were hugging, and crying, and jumping around. This was one of
the best moments of my life.
Mile 1- 7:08
Mile 2- 6:59
Mile 3- 7:01
Mile 4- 7:01
Mile 5- 6:56
Mile 6- 7:07
Mile 7- 6:59
Mile 8- 7:05
Mile 9- 7:07
Mile 10- 6:59
Mile 11- 7:08
Mile 12- 7:01
Mile 13- 6:57
Mile 14- 7:11
Mile 15- 7:03
Mile 16- 7:14
Mile 17- 7:02
Mile 18- 7:13
Mile 19- 7:11
Mile 20- 7:14
Mile 21- 7:15
Mile 22- 7:06
Mile 23- 7:03
Mile 24- 7:04
Mile 25- 6:54
Mile 26- 6:57
0.2- 1:51 (5:54 pace)
FINISH- 3:05:49 (7:05 pace), 31 minute PR
Acknowledgements:
My friends: For as long as I've been a runner
they've had to deal with my obsession for the sport. I know it's not easy.
Thank you for putting up with me when I'm being lame and need to go to bed
early. Thank you for tolerating my endless chatter about running and pretending
to be interested in it. I understand that I'm not normal.
My Teammates: I've said over and over that
joining the Whippets was the best decision I've made since moving to New York.
Moving to a new city without knowing many people was daunting. But I found
myself embraced and welcomed by this remarkable group of people. I feel so
fortunate for the strong bonds and deep relationships that I've developed on
this team. There's no question that this BQ is a direct result of joining the
Whippets. The support and camaraderie is invaluable, and I'm so inspired by the
many talented and passionate runners in the group. I am filled with pride every
time I throw on a Whippet singlet, and it is an absolute privilege to call you
guys my teammates.
My Coach: Jeremy- I don't know what I did to
deserve the type of involvement you provided me. The amount of time, energy,
and thoughtfulness you put into this was one of the most meaningful gestures
I've ever received. You recognized how upset I was after Tokyo, and took
it upon yourself to lift me up and guide me on this journey. Your mentorship
enabled me to reach levels that I had only dreamed about. I've always had
tremendous respect and admiration for the passion and dedication that you
exemplify through your training. Having you as a coach is a true honor.
My Family: Having you guys at the race was
absolutely epic! Your cheering was insane, and knowing that you were just
around the corner every few miles totally got me through the race. Thank you
for your endless support, the hilarious signs, and always believing in me. Our
celebration on the finish line is a memory that I will re-live and cherish
forever.
It's now been a full
week since the race, and I'm still trying to process what happened. I honestly
don't know where to go from here. For as long as I've been a runner, qualifying
for Boston has been a single and intense focus of mine. There are still more
goals that I would like to accomplish, but I have a huge sense of relief right now.
I hope this
experience serves as proof that you should never give up on your
dreams. No matter how many times I was knocked down, no matter how hopeless I felt, I always kept moving forward. I would encourage you to hold onto
your dreams even if they seem like a mere fantasy. If you want it badly enough,
you will make it happen.
